~ 4 Minute 15 Second Read
Before you roll your eyes at the title and think I’m a hippie (although I probably am more-so than not), I will ease your train of thought by saying: I don’t necessarily believe in horoscopes but I do indulge in them from time to time. I mean how easy would it be to have a little paragraph tell you what to do when you suddenly have no idea? Or have some justification for the way you’ve been acting when you feel like it may have been out of line?
While you may not feel matched to all of the characteristics, it can shed some light on the ones that are true. As a leo, I am a sign of the sun and I feel more at ease and productive when I’m in it. I’m intended to be an outgoing individual and my passions are supposed to be careers in the spotlight such as acting in movies or theater. While I grew up as a shy individual and still consider myself an introvert, it is weird because I’ve always had the passion for film and media. I get major stage fright during presentations and I hate public speaking but I have always been interested in showcasing my life through different mediums. While never consistently, I have always scrapbooked, journaled, vlogged, or written about my life. (Publicly or privately). As I am right now, typing about my thoughts and opinions.
I do like attention but I like it in a less obvious way. I border on the introvert and ambivert scale. I have moments where I can be outgoing. And no, not solely when I’m drunk (though that can make it easier at times). But I am introverted in the way that whenever I speak up, I feel invested in the conversation. I like to talk about things that I am excited about or that someone else is interested in. I try to avoid small talk covering topics that don’t really interest me or have an impact in my life (like if you enjoyed the weather today).
I am afraid of public speaking because I felt like I never knew enough information or had enough interest in what I was talking about. For instance, I used to hate presenting my own assignments but if someone else did the work, I didn’t mind. Or in drama class (yes, a shy person can take drama), I despised improvisation but when we had a skit or fun performance to do, I was all in because I knew exactly what needed to be done and I would have fun doing it. The same way that I can’t sing for the life of me but I love musicals and have that mini tug of hope one day to be in one. Just so that I could live the experience of the community and passion everyone shares that would be involved. This is why concerts are one of my favourite ways to spend my money. Everybody shares the same love and devotion towards the band and you get to sing your heart out without judgement and without being singled out.
I’ve been looking up my horoscope a lot lately. I don’t necessarily believe in the accuracy or stick to them like a script but I do think they are useful in the way that motivational quotes or pep talks might be. Sometimes it helps to read them and think, “thankfully it’s not only me going through this.” And even if it is complete BS and made up – there’s still someone that wrote it and can relate on some level. I’m at a crossroads in my life where I have a lot of decision making to do and looking up my horoscope has helped me engage with my inner thoughts and concerns. I am a sign of the sun and I can’t deny that things have ultimately been going really well for me this summer. I realized this only when I rehash everything that has happened. In the moment it may have been stressful, worrisome, or unpredictable but the outcomes (even though some are yet to come) – have so far been positive.
I find lately that what I need help with is finding my inner lion. I read leo articles as if they were presenting me with my destiny or potential. I’m looking to find that version of myself who isn’t afraid of standing up for herself and who voices her opinion loud and proud. Somewhere in the past few years I have lost this voice and confidence. I think in high school and in earlier times in my life I was more outspoken, a lot more apathetic and laid back, and overall didn’t have much that I cared about. This made my personality more enthusiastic and positive because I was naive to the thought anything could go wrong; because there was nothing in my life that I cared about deeply enough to be affected by.
Now I’ve grown into a relationship that I adore; friendships that stick together beyond incompatible schedules; and I’m en route to a job that I really think will help me achieve my goals and keep a balance in all other aspects. These are things that I never want to lose and I care about keeping. Nobody really warns you of the pressure of maintenance in these areas of your life. When I was young and looked at an adult I would think they work 5 days a week, go home to their loved ones, and spend time with their friends on the weekends. This is something I’ve grown up to realize can’t always be the case. People have fluctuating schedules. Relationships need quality time together and free time apart (this too is a balance because too much of one or the other can lead to either suffocation or pulling the thread of indifference). Work can sometimes break into your free time out of your control. Noticing these struggles somewhere along the line has weakened me by self-doubt and inner thoughts of “I can’t keep up”, “I don’t know if this is the right move”, and “I have so much to do and don’t know what to prioritize”.
Overall, I’m currently content with my situation. The passion that may have depleted my confidence has also brought me so much more happiness than I could’ve imagined. I think I’m at the age of uncertainty and in due time things will start feeling more permanent and I will be able to let go of the nerves of the future and embrace the present. For now, I’ll continue to read my horoscope and hopefully summon the inner lioness I need to come to the forefront and help get me back to my roots.
As I’ve been told by Horoscope.com:
August 2017 – Under the Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse on August 7, the need for love could feel urgent and necessary. You might attract someone who’s unprepared but hates to disappoint you. Be sincere and try not to manipulate anyone. The Moon/Mars trine on August 12 is your energy boost before Mercury turns retrograde later that day. The New Moon and total Solar Eclipse on August 21 offer a cosmic opportunity to become the very best you. Feel noble and strong, then be yourself and let the world respond. As with all cosmic gifts, this may happen in unexpected ways. Don’t try too hard to control things.
which is exactly what I intended to work on. So wish me luck and I hope that all of you are reaching your potential whether your standard is set by your horoscope or your own personal mission.
To fellow leos: happy birthday (near or past), here are some fun photos to end on from my 24th birthday this past Tuesday: